her vagine was all disorganized.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
