There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize