I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
