woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
