She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
