Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think your dad took our porno
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
