Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
