i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
