forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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