a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
His nipple licking is glorious
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