he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
