I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
