I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
