Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize