C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
