Soap is not a condiment
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
