Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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