honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
