your thong is hanging out like whoa
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My penis needs a shock collar
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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