Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
