You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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