I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
