3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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