Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
