ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I currently don't understand fingers.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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