sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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