I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
