I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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