I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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