She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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