batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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