whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize