I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
