Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
