Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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