I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
