you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
