can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize