i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize