Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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