I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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