yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
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