She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
