He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
