so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
