Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
