So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
