i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
