i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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