So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
