I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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