; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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