She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
