my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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