If i come over, it means nothing
If that was your dad, he is hot
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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