Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
