I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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