my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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