that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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