you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
