I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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