she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
