i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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