That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
