Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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