I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
