I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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