the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
