Joe is yelling at the trees again.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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