yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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