Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
