Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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