don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize