i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
