If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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