New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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