he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I cut my penus on the lid.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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