sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
