K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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