Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Boobs speak an international language.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
