Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
