I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
