Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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