Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
