I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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