my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
