Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
