We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize