I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
