You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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