the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
