I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
